Releasing Your Wounded Inner Child

love-inner-child-burning-man-sculpture-1

‘What comes to mind when someone talks about “your inner child”?  I used to think of  the inner child as that innocent, carefree, hopeful, silly person deep inside that we somehow lost track of as life progressed, and the responsibilities of life began to weigh us down. I allowed myself to believe that we all used to be innocent and carefree as children and somehow we needed to find our way back to that “inner child” in order to live life to the fullest.  While this can be true, for many of us, myself included, I did some reflecting and realized  something  life changing,  I realized I don’t ever remember being  a carefree, innocent, secure, hopeful child.  For me, and like many others, my childhood was riddled with trauma and dysfunction.  My parents, whom I loved very much, were wounded warriors themselves. They also carried inside of them a wounded inner child .

“I am talking about the whining little brat that lives in the back room of our mind, that unhappy victim who always can be relied upon to blame everyone else for our unhappiness.”  Sound familiar? The wounded inner child does not want us to look at the pain and suffering we have endured, it can’t! It is not capable of processing such deeply disturbing emotions, so it holds onto the pain like a tattered teddy bear, refusing to let go of the old, worn out, broken companion. The wounded inner child never allows for something new that could bring comfort and joy to it’s life. That tattered teddy bear may look like a useless toy to anyone else, but for the wounded inner child, it’s the only comfort it knows.

“Our spiritual evolution depends heavily upon our recovery from the worst addiction, our addiction to the victim archetype, which traps us in the past and saps our life energy. The inner child represents nothing but a metaphor for our wounded, cutesy form of victim consciousness”

wounded

 

It always seems to go back to our childhood.  What is the infamous line you hear every shrink use? “Tell me about your childhood”.  It makes perfect sense.  We form our opinions of the world around us by what we observe from our earliest caregivers, usually our parents, but not always (which could be a traumatic event in itself).

Holding onto your inner child only holds you back, because that child represents your past wounds. While you want to move on with your life, you may be surprised to find that your inner child may want to move on too! How is this possible? There is a lot of tools out there to help one release their painful pasts.  There is therapy and medication,  (which we know does not release the pain, it only masks it).  Often times we self-medicate, setting ourselves up to become addicted to anything that numbs the pain and further stunts our ability to “grow up” and live the life we always dreamed of. What is holding you back from releasing your “wounded inner child”?

We are now grown up, it is time to let go, We must be willing to do the work if we are to “grow up”.  Being a Certified Life Coach and Certified Hypnotherapist, I believe in the power of Holistic Healing. I would like to suggest a meditation that could be life changing.  It is a meditation script in which we can come face to face with this wounded child and set it free. Are you ready to let go?

Sit comfortably, and take three deep breaths allow your body to relax. . Notice any areas of your body that remain tight. Consciously relax them, knowing that during this meditation your body will continue to relax with every breath you take, and soon you will be profoundly relaxed from head to toe. Now look inside yourself and find the room in which sits the young person who has willingly carried your pain. Find the inner child who holds your memories of being abused, ignored, betrayed, abandoned, unaccepted, unloved. As you come upon this little person in that room, notice that he or she is surrounded by ledgers and score lists. The walls of the room are covered with people’s names, what they did to you and what punishment they deserve. In the ledgers, the child keeps a careful tally of all the times someone victimized you and what it cost you. Notice the joylessness of this room. As you look at this young child, realize how sad he or she really feels locked down there alone with the pain, mired down in victim consciousness. Realizing that it is time for a change, you walk across the room and throw open the windows to let in the light. As the sun floods into the room, the ink on the wall charts starts to fade and the books start to crumble and become dust. The lists on the wall also fall to the ground and crumble. Look at the little person who has lived in this room for all those years, a prisoner of sorts. It has been keeping resentment scores day by day. See his/her broad smile and joyous expression, knowing you have come to set him/her FREE! “Now I am free to go,” the child says. “Go where?” You ask. “I’m free to go to the next place. I should have left years ago, but I’ve been waiting for you to release me from this job.” Suddenly you notice that this person, who was young and childlike such a short while ago, is growing old and becoming wizened and grey-haired right before your eyes. Yet, a great peace has replaced his or her sadness. “Thank you for letting me go,” he/she whispers in gratitude. Please unlock the door and let me go. You look into your hand, and suddenly you are holding a large key, you know what you are to do with it.  You say, “I’m sorry it’s taken so long to bring light into this room. I’m sorry I’ve held you back.” “That’s quite alright,” comes the quiet reply. “It really is okay. Time is just an illusion anyway. ” With that, the little person walks towards you, you see that there is has a keyhole over his/her heart. You gently insert the key and turn the lock. A little door above his/her heart opens and a rush of stale, heavy wind rushes out and is released from the soul of the wounded child. The physical body is released from all the pain, suffering, resentments, hurts and sorrow, he/she is free! As you notice the room feels stale and heavy with the negative air/energy that has been released, suddenly a gush of wind rushes into the light filled room and sweeps away all the dark, heavy air that filled the room only  a moment ago. He/she is free from the life that has held it prisoner to all the pain. He/She looks peaceful and serene. Lovingly, you wrap your arms around this inner child. You embrace him/her and you are both filled with an energy so powerful, so beautiful, a surge of hope, love, peace and happiness wash over you both. You take the key and realize you must unlock the door to let your inner child free to live the life it has wanted to live. You unlock the door and she/he goes upstairs and out into the light. There waits a horse and buggy, and angels hover nearby. A choir of angels sings softly. All the people who have ever been in your life are waiting to pay their respects and shower you both with love. All past hurts are forgiven. Love is everywhere. The bells on the horse and buggy ring softly as the entourage slowly begins its journey to the hill where celebration has been prepared. At the celebration site, everyone sings and great joy envelops the group. Your angels are with you and support you as you say your last farewell. See the little person slowly being carried away by the angels, the celestial choir sings. As the child grows smaller and smaller with the distance, you feel a new sense of freedom and love moving through you. You walk to the bottom of the hill where you find a fast running stream. You wash your hands and your face in the water and see your reflection in the water. You feel the cleansing water of the stream running through your being, taking with it all the dust and debris from the room where the little person once dwelt. Hear the sound of the water babbling over the rocks. See the sun sparkling on the water, and feel the warmth of the sun on your body. Notice the green of the surrounding fields and the many bright flowers around. All is well. Open your eyes whenever you feel ready to do so.

Being without your wounded inner child will feel strange for a while, but you also will begin to notice some positive changes. You will feel lighter, less burdened, more in the moment. Your life energy will increase as you retrieve the energy that previously was spent holding onto the wounds of the inner child. Be prepared to encounter problems with close friends with whom you previously spent time sharing wounds. They will not like the change in you, for they will see that you no longer give your wounds power. Since they remain committed to their wounds, they may be uncomfortable with you; they may even begin feeling as if you have betrayed them. If you are member of a support group that thrives on the sharing of wounds, be prepared to disconnect yourself from the group. You probably will find your need to attend group meetings diminishing . Stick to your guns, and do not take personally other people’s attempts to disconnect from you or talk of betrayal. These people will come around eventually and probably will want some of what they see you have gained.  You now see limitless potential. You no longer carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You no longer carry around the shame and guilt that was a part of your woundedness. YOU ARE FREE!

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This meditation is a example of one of many wonderful guided imagery or hypnotherapy scripts that can be used to help you transcend.  You may try it by yourself. It might be helpful to read the script and record the story so that you are free to visualize the powerful images.

I would highly recommend that you work with a skilled Certified Hypnotherapist and Life Coach like myself to work through releasing your Wounded Inner Child.  What have you got to lose? That’s right, pain, depression, anxiety, shame and fear.  You have the rest of your life waiting for you to live.  And like me, the struggles you overcome will become a great source of strength. Your “MESS” can become your “MESSage”!

Blessings

 

 

WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE?

I AM

As human beings, we get to CHOOSE. We get to choose to live the way we want.  We can choose health, happiness and gratitude, or we can choose to make unhealthy choices, ruminate on painful pasts and live in a victim mentality. That is a small example of choices we encounter every moment. We have the beautiful gift of CHOICE, What will you choose?

The path to being Holistically Healthy means choosing actions that will enhance our well being, paying attention to the Trinity of Health, The Mind, Body and Spirit. When you hear, “you are what you eat” it does not necessarily apply only to food, it can be anything you feed yourself, your thoughts, your actions, your choice of entertainment, and the friends you choose to spend time with. Are these choices enhancing your life, or holding you back? What is keeping you from fulfilling your greater destiny?

The Universal law of attraction tells us we will attract the things into our life that we think about and focus on. If this is true, what are you attracting? What do you want to attract? Being in gratitude and focusing on our blessings will  attract more of what we want, we attract more abundance.  This is not to say we don’t encounter challenges, but we learn from those challenges and we Thank The Universe for this lesson and  move on.

GRATITUDE

TODAY I CHOOSE…

  • TO BE GRATEFUL.
  • TO LOVE MYSELF AND OTHERS.
  • TO NOURISH MY BODY WITH HEALTHY WHOLE FOODS
  • TO FEED MY SPIRIT WITH LOVING THOUGHTS ABOUT MYSELF AND THE WORLD AROUND ME.
  • TO FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE ASPECT OF EVERY SITUATION I ENCOUNTER.
  • TO STAY CONNECTED TO MY HIGHER POWER.
  • TO BE OF SERVICE.

WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE?

I CHOOSE POSITIVITY!

Negative or positive, opposite signs

I think every person struggles with negative thoughts and behaviors at one time or another, some more than others.  I would be lying if I said that I didn’t.  I actually have to work pretty hard at keeping negativity at bay and choosing to look at the positive in any given situation.

I have fallen victim to self-defeating habits in my life.  I made a decision 3 years ago to stop drinking alcohol. I have just over 3 years of sobriety.  It sure took me a long time to realize my coping tool wasn’t working for me the way I believed it was. I fooled myself for many years into thinking I was “managing” my stress when I drank! I wasn’t an everyday drinker, I didn’t have to become a rock bottom drunk to realize I needed to stop, but that didn’t mean my drinking wasn’t destructive.

The sad truth is, alcoholism runs in my family. EVERYONE in my family drank, so in growing up I learned that drinking is how you cope with life. If you’re stressed, DRINK! If you’re happy, DRINK! I used alcohol to cope. In doing so, I didn’t learn how to deal with my emotions very well.  In a sense, I stopped growing emotionally once I started drinking.  But, what I believe now, is that I was still learning, just learning what didn’t work in my life.  I have learned to make peace with my past.  It is work in progress. I MADE A CHOICE, I CHOSE POSITIVITY. Alcohol was my way of dealing with negative emotions, it may be different for you.  Perhaps it’s gambling, shopping, food, sex or drugs.  The truth is there are MANY ways to alter your perception and avoid negative feelings.  The good news is, there is a different way to live! We can CHOOSE POSITIVITY, we can reframe those negative feelings and learn from the emotions that are meant to tell us something important.

reframe

Since I am relatively new at managing emotions, sometimes I let negativity creep in and I want to nurture it, let it fester.  In the past, that would be an excuse to drink, so I would find something to be upset about and feel like I was entitled to a few drinks! And that helped me avoid coping with those wretched feelings.  I liked to live in the victim mentality. NOT ANYMORE! I have learned to see that most of my miseries were a direct result of my actions.  That doesn’t mean I haven’t been a victim at certain times in my life. Yes, I have been hurt by people I loved and trusted. I had no control over some things that happened to me as a child,  it is what it is.  As we know, we cannot change the past, but we can change the way we view it!

I am so grateful for the turn my life has taken.  In the last few years, I have felt such a sense of peace about all the struggles of my past. Failed marriage, troubled children, losing my parents, abuse, neglect, etc.  When I made a decision to face my fears and learn how to process them, it brought me to an amazing place of growth and acceptance! What a great training ground my life has been!

Sometimes though, I have negative thoughts, and I have to make a decision to acknowledge them, find out what the truth is about the present feelings and work through them. What do I have to learn from this? I may need to talk it out with someone, pray, meditate or just wait for those feelings to pass, they always do.  I found that REFRAMING is a great way to turn that negative self-talk into positivity.  I then release it.  Those thoughts can look something like this;

  • I am too old to start a new career.
  • My health is going to make it impossible to do all I need to do to be successful.
  • My Son (who is an addict) is going to die, and then my life will be ruined, I will die of a broken heart.
  • My Autoimmune disorder is going to progress, I hate being in pain all the time, LIFE IS SUCH A STRUGGLE!

The negative thoughts could go on and on! They are usually exaggerated.  With the power of reframing, I can see the reality, and that looks something like this;

  • I am not old, I am experienced! You can get a restart at any time in your life, up until you leave this earthly existence (and then really, that is just another restart!)
  • I am healing! I am learning to heal my body through Holistic Measures, and that is a gift, I am now able to help others to heal!
  • My Son is alive, and I have no way to know what will happen. He may get sober! He may die. I have no control over what he does. I will survive this. I refuse to dwell on that.  I will live in the NOW. I will not bury him in my mind one more time.
  • My health is improving, yes I have some pain, but it could be worse, it is getting better, and everyone struggles with one thing or another.

When I am really struggling with my emotions, it is usually due to lack of sleep or lack of structure. My routines that have been put into place for my betterment may be out of balance. It is important to eat  Healthy Foods, Sleep, Pray, Meditate, Exercise, Socialize and to get out of SELF, I reach out and help others.

Through my training as a Certified Life Coach and Hypnotherapist, I have developed some amazing tools to help me when it gets a little too heavy.  I have found hypnotherapy to be an amazing tool!  I can do self-hypnosis, it’s all about calming my mind, releasing my fears. My head can spin out of control if I let it. I am a (mild) type A personality, I like to be in control of things and when things get out of control, I get very uncomfortable.

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It has taken me a long time to learn how to CHOOSE POSITIVITY, I am learning to Let go and Let God…It takes practice EVERY DAY! But it is worth it! I am so grateful to be where I am today.  I am able to be happy most of the time because I choose to be. I choose to do the work that is necessary to be HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE!

OUR WEDDING DAY-OUR TRAINING GROUND

wedding day OurWedding Ceremony – Performed by Native American Medicine Man Mario Blackwolf,

What do a Man and Woman do when they are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together? Well, some couples choose to marry, and that is what Dave and I did this last weekend, April 22, 2017, in Sedona, Arizona. We are now joined together spiritually, and legally as  “Man and Woman” or in western terms “Man and Wife”.  What a huge blessing.

What does this have to do with being Holistically Healthy?  Everything! Being healthy holistically means you are seeking wellness in every area of your life, Mind, Body and Spirit.  Of course, you don’t have to get married to have a healthy loving relationship. This was a personal choice between my Husband and me.

Relationships are an integral part of living a healthy life.  In the “Blue Zones”,  places that have the highest concentration of centurions, there are a few common factors in each area.  When the lifestyle of people in “Blue Zone” communities were studied, there were some common threads.  Diet is a huge factor,  eating whole, organic, local, seasonal foods were key.  Physical activity also plays a huge role.  Not going to the gym and “working out”, physical activity was integrated into their daily lives. Nature walks, farming, cooking, gardening, walking vs driving and playing!  But one of the factors many people don’t think about in association with longevity is our human relationships. People who isolate do not live as long and are not as happy.  People who have strong relationships live longer, happier lives.  Imagine that! Think about how our western society has changed.  We often don’t even know who our neighbors are! We have social media to stay in touch with our “friends”.  We text, we don’t talk we “like” posts and Snapchat.  I think we all agree there are benefits to modern technology, but we are losing that human connection that is so important.

MYGIRLS  FAMILY IS VERY IMPORTANT

I love something I heard from my life coach teacher,  Richard Seaman.  He said, “relationships are the training ground of the Holy Spirit”.  I believe this to be true. Relationships of every kind, family,  friends, children, and spouses, especially spouses.  In a romantic love relationship, it is a relationship you CHOOSE to be in.  As much as we may love our family, you don’t get to choose them, but you do choose who you share your life with.  When it comes to a life partnership, a relationship where two people promise to live together, stand by each other through thick and thin, you have to be willing to let the Holy Spirit work on you both, teaching you things you could never know about yourself left to your own selfish ways.

WEDDINGME      WE ARE NOT DESIGNED TO LIVE ALONE

In a love relationship, two people meet, and there is an attraction.  In the beginning, you have EVERYTHING IN COMMON! You form your relationship on an attraction, and all the commonalities you share.  As time passes, that “chemical” in your brain that makes you float on clouds starts to dissipate and you come back to reality.  Pretty soon you realize how different you are from your partner.  This is where the rubber hits the road.  You may decide that you don’t want to change to “fit” into this person’s life, or, should you choose to proceed, something amazing can happen.  This is when the “training” begins”.

Society today teaches us we should be INDEPENDENT and STRONG.  We should not let anyone change WHO WE ARE!  It’s common to hear people say things like, “I don’t NEED a man (or woman), I am confident in myself, I don’t NEED anyone to make me happy.  Or, “I won’t sacrifice myself to make someone else happy”. All this may be true, but the truth is we live in a self-absorbed culture.  It is much easier to live our life our own way.  But, do we really grow when we stay in our comfort zone and do life OUR WAY?  I don’t believe we can grow to our fullest potential when we live life only for ourselves. God created us to be relational, he created us to desire love and companionship.

PRAYER

This does not mean if we are not “married” or in a committed relationship we cannot be happy or grow, I just think that if we are someone who decides to participate in a committed relationship, there are unique lessons to be learned that we cannot learn any other way.

Dave and I are very different people.  We share commonalities, our core principle values are the same.  It is essential for two people to share core values.  We all agree there are different lifestyles.  For two people to be successful in a relationship,  they must possess similar values and lifestyles to be compatible.  Dave and I have that, but beyond that, we are two very different people.  I guess I would be pegged as Type A, Dave is not.  I want things clean, orderly and planned.  Dave is laid back, could care less if the bed is not made or if the future is not perfectly clear.  He has a strong faith and believes everything will be ok, I lack faith, in that if I don’t have a plan, chaos is sure to ensue.  Neither one of us is right or wrong, but a healthier place for both of us to be is somewhere in the middle.  In the process of being in a relationship with each other, the Holy Spirit is teaching us both a new way to look at things.  Life is not black and white, we certainly can plan, but we cannot control everything (as I like to think I am able to do, yea, doesn’t work so well).  We are IN TRAINING! We are teaching each other love and tolerance, and how to live happily through chaos and order because both things can be present on any given day.  I love learning from this man I love with all of my heart.

Granted, relationships are not always easy.  You do have to be willing to compromise certain things.  I am not talking about compromising your core values, that would not be healthy.  Relationships take work.  You must be willing NOT to GIVE and TAKE, but to GIVE and GIVE, and then give some more.  You see, when both are GIVING, we are both RECEIVING, That is how that works.   It is work, but the rewards of navigating through the joys and challenges of a relationship are so rewarding.  You truly learn more about yourself than you could ever learn through a solo journey.

My life has changed so much over the past 3 years.  That is when I started my journey to Wellness.  I have learned how to love myself and care for myself through my holistic practices of nutrition, spirituality and being open to what the Universe brings into my life.  These changes have allowed me to be the best version of myself.  I discovered that even though becoming healthy was the goal, it was not meant to be the destination, it was the start of a life beyond my wildest dreams.  A life filled with Love, Lessons, and Discovery.  I discovered I was not meant to travel this road alone, I have a partner who supports my dreams and aspirations, and I support his.  Dave is my biggest cheerleader!

I am a healer, and I have a purpose on this planet, as does my Husband.  We are so excited to cheer each other on and travel this road together. I cannot wait to learn all the lessons the Holy Spirit has to teach me through this amazing relationship, and all the relationships I have been blessed with in this life.

Blessings

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE

hurt

When someone hurts you, it is easy to want to retaliate. But remember, “Hurt people hurt people”.  Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. “Love is the weapon of the future”. Fight hate with Love.

lightunited